No kids, no grief

A new manifesto argues that parenting is bad for your career, your marriage, your bank book and your love life

Elaine Lui was 29 years old and had been married for a year when she and her husband, Jacek Szenowicz, decided that they didn’t want children. “Before that, we didn’t give it a lot of thought,” says the Vancouver-based eTalk reporter who writes the popular celebrity gossip blog LaineyGossip. com. “It was just an assumption, ‘You get married, you have kids.’ ” Front-line exposure to a close relative’s three young children and the work they required provided a wake-up call, Lui says. “That killed it for us. We just looked at each other and said,‘We don’t want them.’ ”...read more

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What is a limiting belief?

Belief is something that you believe and it is true. While limiting belief is something we have felt at the rejection or obstacles to achieve a target that you want. Rejection is also arise when we want to change. Also called the (Mental block)

Example of confidence that impedes; I can not become a book author Because I'm not
university graduates. I want to run but can not because I already too old. Whether limiting belief can be changed (Change)?

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Scared with different Fobia

Fear is natural. Fear that appear when we are dealing with things that threaten the safety and life we, like wild animals, weapons or sharp flow of traffic is very
busy. Fear is necessary because we remain vigilant to make and is ready act to pull out of danger.

'Fobia is a tremendous fear, and without a reason to object or situation that does not make sense, "said Dr Nicholas cake, Peskiatri professor in the Department of Monash University, Australia, take a specialist handling Fobia. "Fobia sebetulya is one form of interference light of the soul. When dealing with objects that situsi or disrupt convenience, patients can Fobia trembling, cold sweat, heart pound, is exposed to panic attacks, even possible to lose consciousness." Fobia What can be cured?

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What is Trauma?

Many people call themselves experienced trauma. After being accident so do not dare to drive again because of trauma. Or drop out of love, ago and the trauma does not dare make serious relationship again. In fact what is trauma?

The simple trauma means injury or shock (shock). Deep sense psychological trauma to the emotional experience a surprising, painful and bring serious impact, it was not uncommon for long time. The extent to which people can live normal again after the trauma? Whether trauma can be cured (removed)?

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Question on what to do next

I'm only trying to get suggestions for him to try. I know that I can't make his stress go away totally. I do plan to talk with our son's about the amount of stress they directly cause to their father. He askes me to try to come up with ideals to help him de-stress. He know's its a problem. He asked our doctor how to de-stress and her response was to try to find something to de-stress with. For me music works. I also have hobbies that I love to do. I also love to cook and learn to make new foods. He helped me come up with ways to destress about 6 years ago when my bp was so high the dr's were scared. For him though it's different. He was brought up in a country where the dad went to work came home and watched tv. He was the problem solver and didn't have problems. This is very very foreign to him. He use to just take a nap and the stress was better but since his diagnosis three years ago that has stopped working. He is at his witts end and is scared of having a heart attack or worse. So that is why I am asking you very smart folks for ideals so I can share them with him and hopefully help him to find a way to de-stress. Take care

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Serakah... nature atau nurture? 1

Satu orang serakah di kota ini kukenal baik, karena ada hubungan keluarga denganku (dari pernikahan, bukan hubungan genetik. Ia sama sekali tak rendah PD. Tujuan hidupnya adalah untuk semakin kaya tanpa perduli (ia sikat) akan manusia lain atau saingan usahanya. Yang kulihat napa ia jadi begitu, karena ia tak mau kismin (lagi) dan dengan menimbun harta itu, 7 turunannya tak akan miskin. Kulihat itu juga terjadi di keluarga Cing Eyang, jadi latar belakang kemiskinan dan takut akan miskin lagi bikin orang jadi serakah, bukan karena low self-esteem.

Kalau kita belajar manajemen dengan dasar kapitalisme, tentu salah satu strategi bisnis adalah bagaimana memenangkan persaingan, mendapatkan keuntungan kapital sebesar-besarnya, melakukan konglomerasi dan mencapai kesejahteraan yang maksimal. Nampaknya, hal ini mengajarkan orang untuk menjadi serakah dalam artian menjadi kaya raya. Mengapa harus mengabaikan peluang? Selain itu, pertempuran dan persaingan ibarat hukum rimba. Siapa kuat dia yang menang. Tentu saja, akhirnya akan ada kontrol dalam bentuk etika bisnis dan peraturan atau undang-undang yang mencegah orang untuk serakah. Misalnya, ada undang-undang anti monopoli. Ambil satu contoh,
apakah kita bisa menyebut Bill Gates sebagai seorang yang serakah? Di satu sisi, orang akan memandang Bill Gates sebagai orang yang sukses, tapi bagi orang yang pernah dirugikan olehnya, boleh jadi menganggap Gates adalah orang yang serakah. Nah, yang jadi pertanyaan, apakah Bill Gates orang yang kurang percaya diri? Kalau kita pelajari para pengusaha "serakah" ini, seringkali "menebus dosa" dengan melakukan derma (tiba-tiba menjadi seorang filantropis). Saya membaca, nasihat Mahatma Gandhi tentang 7 dosa sosial ini sangat baik...

- Politics without principle (Politik tanpa prinsip)
- Wealth without work (Kekayaan tanpa kerja)
- Pleasure without conscience (Kenikmatan tanpa nurani)
- Knowledge without character (Pengetahuan tanpa karakter)
- Commerce without morality (Bisnis tanpa moralitas)
- Science without humanity (Ilmu pengetahuan tanpa kemanusiaan)
- Worship without sacrifice (ibadah tanpa pengorbanan)

Nampaknya, kalau mengabaikan nasihat Gandhi di atas, orang bisa "terjerumus"
ke dalam keserakahan.

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Serakah... nature atau nurture?

>Dalam test permen kapas (marsmallow) sebenarnya anak yang tahan hati, menunggu demi dapet hasil dobel, bisa dibilang lebih serakah (doi gak puas cuma dapet segitu dan pengen lebih), ataukah anak yg gak tahan godaan, thus gak dapet bonus, bisa dibilang serakah, serakahnya dimana?<

Para periset sama sekali tidak memberikan judul anak serakah kepada mereka yang bisa tahan sabar atau delayed gratification. Kepada mereka yang langsung habek sang gulali, juga tidak diberikan cap atau label mereka kaum greedy. Hanya di dalam longitudinal study yang memantau perkembangan anak-anak kedua kelompok itu, yang tahan napsu ketika sudah besar menjadi "orang" seperti Santo di milis Psiko.

>Mengapa orang serakah (tidak pernah puas) karena dalam kehidupan modern ini sifat serakah mendapat reward berupa pujian dan hasil nyata. Dengerin aja para motivator ato apalah namanya pada berteriak agar kita tidak boleh cepat puas... Orang yg puas dengan kondisi apa adanya dianggap malas, kurang smart, gak semangat, dll. Pokoknya ga okey, dijaman modern ini yg okey yah yg kerja terus cari duit...Kalo bisa 24x7, kayak server yg katanya tanpa downtime.<

Tergantung konteks dan seberapa serakahnya tapi keserakahan tidak lah oke di
dalam semua budaya, malah oleh sementara agama, dijadikan salah satu dosa utama.

>Antara nature dan nurture, saya kira nurture lebih berpengaruh di sini, ditambah kenyataan bahwa nature (ekspresi gen) masih bisa dipengaruhi lingkungan, dalam arti ekspresi gen bisa 'disetel' on/off tergantung pada lingkungan.<

Belum ada riset mendalam mengenai berapa besar andil nature, berepa nurture di
dalam keserakahan di dunia psiko. Itu sebabnya Cak Nur mempertanyakannya. Supaya
aman memang teori Be Eddy, 50-50 bisa dipakai

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Damn, that feels better already

And that's just what British scientists would expect, saying they've learned cussing may be good for you. Their study, "Swearing as a Response to Pain," is published in August's NeuroReport, a journal "for rapid communication of neuroscience research." The report by researchers at England's Keele University found volunteers withstood pain longer when they resorted to distasteful invective. So, let loose when the pain comes. It's something English chef Gordon Ramsay has put to use with wild abandon on
his TV shows, but his pain is more often of the temporal kind, when kitchen wannabes burn the brûlée or char the Arctic char.

Real pain calls for tougher talk. Dr. Richard Stephens, who led the research, said he got the idea for the study after watching his wife give birth to their daughter, spilling a slew of swear words as she pushed and pushed and pushed. While stubbing your toe can invoke an unfettered stream of profane platitudes, it may also be an inherited guttural response from our hairy-backed ancestors when faced with fearsome predators. Stephens said that may explain why swearing is still in vogue around the world.

"We think it could be part of the flight or fight response," he explained. "In the volunteers who swore, we also found they had an elevated heart rate, so it could be increasing their aggression levels. Increased aggression has been shown to reduce people's sensitivity to pain, so it could be swearing is helping this process."...read more

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Mom Needs to Talk to Her Doctor Right?

I initially thought of telling her to talk to the doctor, but decided against it due to privacy issues. Under the HIPPA law if someone has stated that they don't want their relatives talking to the doctor about their medical problems the doctor will not be able to discuss the problem with that person even though a person can leave a message of concern. The other risk is that if the patient doesn't want their family talking to the doctor about them and the doctor starts discussing with the patient something that they heard from a family member that patient can file a complaint with the Office of Civil Rights which is through the Department of Health and Human Services. If after the investigation is done and it is proved that the doctor was in violation of the patient's privacy even for the sake of family they can get in to a lot of trouble including a very hefty fine. And even if there is no risk of violation of the law and the doctor wants to treat the patient, the patient as long as they are capable of making their own decisions does not have to comply with treatment recommendations.

In the end, it is every person's decision (as long as they are capable of making the decision) whether or not they are going to talk to their doctor about problems and then after doing so decide whether or not they are going to agree to the treatment plan. If the patient is not willing to agree to the treatment plan they must let that be known to the doctor so that the issue can be handled a different way. There are a lot of things I would like to tell my mom's doctors about her as far as her Diabetes because of concern but can't with some of them because of the way she signed the privacy issue. And they can't make her do the right things for her Diabetes even if they did talk to me about it. I had to fight for the past year to get her to go to a Podiatrist for care of her feet as it has been over a year since she has been to a Podiatrist at all, and even then when she went it was only for other problems with her feet that were unrelated to the Diabetes. The doctor that she was going to for those problems is also supposed to be very knowledgeable about Diabetes (knew this based on the information I saw on his page that is connected to the group that he is part of because it has a consent form on there that Diabetic patients get with information about Diabetes and then it says in the part with the consent that the patient agrees to let the doctor take care of their corns, callouses, and nails) but did not push mom hard enough to come in and be checked if not for that but to be evaluated once a year. If he had done so for the past several years we would have known about the Neuropathy she has. It's not in a position where her feet are without sensation but she does have some of the tingling. We didn't know that she had this part until almost 2 years ago when she was having a first consultation with the Oncology Department at Mayo Clinic after she got diagnosed with breast cancer. During the exam when they were checking everything is how I found out that she had the Neuropathy.

I have tried to get her to understand that she must wear shoes in the house but she won't do it on a regular basis. Not even at times when she would wear socks like in the winter. And even though I have gotten her to go back to Podiatry (she has chosen to go to my Podiatrist because of the way he has helped me-I went for other problems with my feet), and gotten her to check her blood sugar when she starts to notice symptoms of lows before she starts to eat something to bring it up so that we know what the number is I can't get her to wear shoes in the house and I can't get her to take better care of her Diabetes. So the lesson I learned the hard way over the years is that while I am very concerned about her wellbeing with this disease I can't force her to do something she doesn't want to do. If she doesn't want to take better care of herself so that she doesn't have complications from this disease that is her choice. Daughter of Type 2 Insulin Dependent Diabetic.

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Milk for children

According to me, the most important paradigm shift which is our first. Milk not drink that magically make intelligent children suddenly, soon to grow tall, etc., as excessive dicitrakan in the ad. Thus, there will never again parents compulsion of that spent on the five milk. Provide healthy food and diverse natural, varied, and the portion is adequate, while continuously monitoring the health of our children, physical growth, and development of the intellect of children.

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Stay positive and keep moving even if it's one step at a time

Amy honey you have your hands full. I would suggest for the medication set a reminder on your cell phone, computer what ever you have that has an alarm on it to remind you to take those blasted pills.
For breakfast food.... Try to make it the night before. Think of it as spending time with the girls and cook with them. They will learn to cook and you get to get a great dinner in the process. I have taught both my sons to cook and they are very good at it (even if they can't figure out my chili recipe lol).
I make breakfast the night before if I know it will be hectic. I figure if you can heat up a bacon and egg sandwich (those you find in the frozen food section of the store) one night in the fridge won't hurt it (I leave off the bread part though).
I also cook in bulk for some foods (like lasangna, meat balls, soups, roasts, roasted chicken, grilled chicken). Anything I can freeze comfortably. Some weeks all the meals are done. I am making meatballs for dinner tonight (my take on a meatball sub is to put the meatballs, cheese and some pasta sauce in a pita bread). I will make 4 lbs of meatballs and freeze in 1 lb servings. That way 4 meals are taken care of. I use ground turkey and ground chicken. I don't mix them together. I add some bread crumbs from homemade bread (the guys got me a breadmaker for christmas), garlic powder, onion powder, salt and pepper. I throw some cheese in sometimes and other times I don't. Today in the chicken I will toss in some Feta cheese and oregano (kinda a greek flavor).
The exercise part is hard. I have Plantar Facities in both feet along with OA in both ankles and knees. I know how hard it can be when standing up hurts so bad you want to cry. You have to slowly build it up. I do mean slowly.
I do some of my exercise sitting in my chair behind my computer. Stretching and twisting at the waiste can help. Also you can lift free weights in a sitting postion. I don' think they cost much at Walmart. There are also ankle weights that you could do leg lifts with.
Riding an exercise bike is great for the lower body. Make sure that you get on it as your time for you. Maybe while the girls are cooking? That is when they know more about it.
Every successful diet plan has the phrase to stop eating when you are full and eat when you are hungry. The trick here is to understand when you are really hungry. Sometimes hunger shows up as thirst. Try drinking water and if it goes away no problem if it doesn't have a small protein based snack (like an ounce of cheese or a slice of chicken breast) just a little something.
It is definalty hard for me to do sometimes. I know how you feel about wanting to loose and not having it happen. That is the pits. Keep a food journal. I write down all the foods I eat in a day and I can reflect on it at the end of the day. Just be carful that you don't start beating yourself up for a bad day. It can be changed very quickly. Life happens after all.
Believe me life will get better. Stay positive and keep moving even if it's one step at a time. Some days that's all we can do and that has to be enough. Other days we zoom throught it all and then there are the days that we can just barely hang on to the ground we have.

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It is hard to figure this out as Diabetes is a very individual condition

It is not new to me - I started with gestational diabetes at age 21, was diagnosed T2 on my 30th birthday, and have managed with diet & exercise until about a year ago. My A1C is 7.1 - not an extreme number, but bad enough. I am on 1000 mg of metformin BID and 30 mg actos once daily, but even with that I can not maintain proper levels unless I eliminate ALL starchy carbs from my diet. And even then, my fasting blood sugar is still high in the morning.

I am incredibly frustrated at this point. I have got to get my focus back, I have got to lose weight, and I have got to get the BS (all of it!) under control. But in the course of all the single mommy duties, I am having a hard time right now. So if someone is interested in holding my hand for a while and helping me get a good start, by all means.

It is hard to figure this out as Diabetes is a very individual condition. Getting it under control is a pain sometimes. I know for us it is. My insulin issues are under control my husbands aren't. (I still see some highs from time to time but not nearly what I was seeing).

First thing is... Understand that you are on a life time journey for your health. There is no over night solution. You will find a happy balance between startchy carbs and proteins and fats. It may be that you have to have a lower carbed meal plan than others. It may be that your protein level is much to low. You'll have to decide that.
A good rule of thumb is to have 2-4 ounce of protein per meal. With that you would have a carb. For example if you ate a sandwich the bread would be your carb and the meat your protein. Adding a few veggies would be fine and any mayo would be your fat.

The second thing to look at is .... What are your portion sizes like? For us this is a work in progress. I bought smaller plates for us to have dinner off of as that is our nightmare meal. So far it is reducing the portion sizes but not nearly as much as I would like. Yes I measure things and yes I do my best to keep it to one plate (for me that is easy for dh is not so easy). I also still have a son at home (2 sons total). My youngest son is a nightmare to make dinners for that we can eat and he will eat. I have gotten to the point of telling him if he doesn't like what I make he can go out for dinner. So far he hasn't taken me up on that. Oh and he is 19 years old so he is capable of it.

The third thing to look at is .... Exercise. That could be taking a walk every afternoon with your child. You don't have to have exercise equipment to make this work. I take my dogs for walks with my husband and son. We all get out and get exercise. I also have exercise equipment that I use (I have been buying a piece here and a piece there for over 10 years). DVD's are not that expensive and can be rented from the library for nothing. That woul let you get a preview before buying at least. Personally I love Richard Simmons work outs. They are the easiest for me to do and keep up (that is saying something as I have over 100 lbs to loose and have oa in both knees).

The last thing to look at is ..... Stress. Stress will raise your glucose so find ways to deal with it. For me, I do crafts. My husband exercises. I also listen to music, go for walks, cook (I know it sounds weird to think about it as a stress reliever but it works for me), read or just take a nap. Naps are another of my husbands favorite ways to de-stress. You will need to find yours. If my math is right your child is 15 years old. That is old enough to give you some me time (you know the time you have to yourself to do nothing but relax... difficult concept I know I had to learn it too.lol) Anyway ask any question you may have. We are here for you.

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How to prevent the occurrence of children

How to prevent the occurrence of children:

Build A Spiritual Commitment
Act will occur if there is opportunity and ability. Both can only be by the strong religious commitment. Spiritual commitment will make someone subject to the truth and is able to have a certain noble. Views, speech and world will always be guarded.

Build family commitment
Marriage will feel dynamic, if couple is committed to meeting the rights and obligations as possible. Husband committed to become the best households. So also wives, committed to be the queen in the household. When these functions are not running, it will be born imbalance and abuse.

Build a Healthy Communication
Couple need to get a good atmosphere of communication and deliberation. The atmosphere of dialogue should be developed to maintain harmony, bear scrutiny, is able to detect a change attitudes, and to know the pair.

Since Complete Problems Early
Do not assume small problems that arise, including issues that we consider small. For, children often begin from the trivial issues. So, be careful when pairing disagreeable to see one of our practices. Or he says bored. Immediately find the best solution that benefits both parties.

Be trusted and Couples Required
Each pair must be able to give satisfactory service for spouses. So that he does not find satisfaction outside the home. Husband or wife must be a harmonious partner for when didera problems. He was present, and help calm, not even the problem.

Wisely and Be Right
Sikapi with wise and knowing exactly when the symptoms of children. How: [1] Restore all of the issues to the rule of Allah and His Messenger, [2] Each pair corrections to remind ourselves and each other to find and assess the errors that have occurred.

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There was the children?

Children occurred because of strong encouragement to make a detour. Sometimes a desire to meet someone who had never loved him and now. Sometimes see the "excess" of others than your own, etc.. If examined, at least, there are four main causes of the occurrence of children.

First, less intimate relationships husband and wife. This condition is less intense due to the communication involved. Can also each get a share of the less emotional. In fact, if there are any other factors that problems, such as economic factors, when good communication, the family will remain in harmony.

Second, the dissatisfaction of the husband or wife is not revealed. Expectations, demands, a lack of communication can make the search for the fulfillment of other people. Please note, children are not always with the people and physical property better than a pair legality. There are cases of children with an employer or a driver's maid. The reason, they feel more appreciated by the children.

Third, the lack of attention from the pair. What is not expected to partner with a good response.

Fourth, in violation of ethics the association with the type of opponent. For, as long as the views and the word is not kept, as long as the association without hijab, as long as it is wide-open opportunities for children.

Meaning Important Commitment success households built with a foundation of loyalty and devotion. But the fact is that many people secretly love betray spouses with children. Households that have been built over many years, eventually fail because couples children.

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Psychology: There are three types of people how much

There are three types of people how much, that is that "the reason", the second is "the problem" and the last is "because kompulsif"

Which is indeed a severe kompulsif because he tends to be much repeatedly, it becomes a habit that's hard to control. They tend to be much without thinking about the consequences of bad follow. One can only much longer, while he already has debt in other places. When the debts get new, indeed it makes it quite "loose" the burden of their lives, but it is like people who like drunk. Finally akan situation into a larger circle and enter springe debt. Usually this is also accompanied with the shopping habits (Shopaholic).

People debt problem because, quite different from that in kompulsif the frequency, intensity and scale. In general, they do not borrow money as much as possible, but only as necessary. Sometimes people can be as much problems such as difficulties in career or emergency needs (there are the sick, children must attend school, etc.). To overcome this is need to know where the mistake and change the financial management style his life. In some cases, because of the debt problem, can be kompulsif easily be in debt.

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Psychology: Miss information when he was "pre-diabetic"

I'm gonna try to reply to all the posts in one time. I thank you all for your comments. My husband has been a diabetic for at least 3 years. He was given alot of miss information when he was "pre-diabetic" . Things like you are or your not type thing. He also was given limited information from the doctor about how to deal with diabetes. Our general dr was not the diagnosing doctor, a doctor in an urgent care was and he was not on the top of his mark with this even though he is diabetic. Our doctor is a very good dr and trys to balance what we need with what we want. She knew from the beginning he didn't want to go on insulin. I think it was more of an unknown. We had never met anyone that used insulin (that we knew of). It is very scary for me to think about shots and things like that.

When he was first diagnosed he had a massive infection. As we all know they can throw off the glucose. The surgeon actually had to do the surgery twice and said it would be a year before we knew if it was totally gone. In the hospital they gave him insulin that didn't seem to improve his gluocose levels so that was another issue.
Well that brings us to the last two years. He has had some success with diet, and oral meds. After about 6-8 months the meds start wearing off so the dr changes them. Now we are to the point there is nothing but insulin left to try. He is going in tommorrow for her to show us how to give the shots (I want to learn incase there is ever a need to give him a shot and I know that it won't be necessary in the beginning). He will be taking 1 shot at night of long lasting (that is all I know right now). I am the person who does all the cooking. My husband works full time which allows me to stay home. When I feel like it, I take on a project (I'm a drafter and all I need is my computer). He has a very stressfull job, I know that is part of the problem but at the same time I don't want damage done to his body. He also understands this. I have been the main sorce of inforamtion for him and as I am sure you all know there is alot of it out there.

I went to diabetes education a month or so ago and they recommended 60 g of carbs per meal for men. That's where that number came from and since I do the meal planning that's what I plan for, for him. I have problems with glucose levels also (not technically a diabetic but close enough to be treated like one). So I know that there is alot I can do to help him. I think that for him, it was just not a reality. His mom had diabetes but he didn't know that for a long time. Now he can't say that it was the infection so he has been working on it. He has asked me to "police" his food for him until he better learns what is and isn't acceptable. I try to get him to test but he doesn't want to. So I go with what the dr has told him. It's one step at a time for us.

I made lots of changes in our diet when he was first diagnosed. We went onto very strict diet plans. They didn't lower his glucose and they weren't workable for our family. So we are working on using south beach with some modifications right now (like carb counting). He will have to test more and he knows that. He is finally accepting his condition. It has taken a while but I think it is finally setting in.
There has been alot going on this year that has been bringing around changes in both of us. I think in the long run he will find this easier for him and better for him.
The Sleep Apnea will be addressed tommorrow along with alot of blood tests. He is going in a month early so she will do all the tests at tomorrows appointment. I will make sure to talk to her about the SA. The biggest hurtle is over. I think the worst part was making the decision to do the insulin but in a way it's a relief. Know what I mean? This has taken a tole on both of us. I know I take on way to much sometimes but this is his health. I have told him if he is not willing to fight for it I am. So now he is joining the battle and is gonna start taking responsibility for this condition as well. We do have a wonderful marriage. Saturday will be 27 years. I wouldn't change a day. We can and do talk about everything. So again thank you all for your support and take care.

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Psychology: Making medical decisions by following your instincts

I would serious question the idea of making medical decisions by following your instincts. All too often "following your instincts" is nothing more than following your wishful thinking. Your "instincts" most often tell you what you want to believe, which is usually the easier path, and not what the real facts tell you, which may be the harder but more effective path. No, your medical decisions should be based on careful research and medical facts. "Instincts" often play into your biases, your fears, and outdated or just plain erroneous information that you want to believe.

While the role of statins in some situations is controversial, there are some situations where they are of clear benefit. The recent JUPITER study looked at over 15,000 patients with high risk of cardiovascular disease because of an elevated inflammatory marker, hsCRT, and high LDL. A statin reduced the LDL by 50% and the hsCRT by 37%. Most significantly, the study had to be stopped after 2 years because of the markedly significantly lower number of heart attacks and strokes in the group that got the statin vs. the group on placebo. There was very clear clinical benefit from statins in these patients.

Other modalities such as diet, exercise, fish oil, niacin (in some situations), stopping smoking, and red wine can reduce cardiovascular disease, for many people, especially diabetics, they are inadequate to minimize their chances of cardiovascular disease. Many diabetics can benefit from statins. No one is worshipping at the temple of statins except perhaps their manufacturers, but they do have an important role in preventing cardiovascular disease in many patients. Yes, they can have side effects. Do your careful research looking at both sides of the question with a critical eye and examine the FACTS carefully, and then discuss it with your doctor. You can't make the decision based on emotion.

I am not advocating making medical decisions based on instinct. I merely meant to suggest the OP was correct in this particular case to follow her instinct not to take statins. Incidentally, by negative attitude about statins is not a small minority opinion. Check out Dr. Gravelines's opinions about statins among many others.

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Psychology: How many totally >independent medical doctors do you see today?

I have had great relations with docs. I have had a few crummy ones. Some will not tolerate disagreement or questioning of their stance on problems. Some,especially the mediocre or less can be very arrogant and peevish in an HMO setting where they feel they are competent because the appointment desk overbooks them. It was not until after WW II that doctors became important and when they merged with medical corporations they found a way to roll in the money big time. But they have lost status with the HMOs.

I have a independent urologist, I remember when he was a young man now become older and close to retirement. I like him and I talk candidly about my thoughts about greed in medicine and he agrees. He accepts insurance but he is or rather his type is becoming extinct. If you see the Michael Moore DVD Sicko you get a feel for our medicine vis a vis other countries. In France, a doc drives around in an economy car all day making house calls and he is paid and promoted on the basis of how many patients he treats successfully. Today, a doc treats you and if he screws up, well you do not get a refund. He keeps the money even if he kills you.

There are docs who will only serve the rich. That is our medicine. Unfortunately, American medicine depends so much on politics. At one time, everyone qualified for medical care here in California but the docs boycotted the poor because they did not get enough money. We are beginning to keep tabs on the docs, records of malpractice available to patients shopping for a good doc. For example, when a diabetic first becomes diagnosed it is not judicious to pick any doctor without looking into their experience. The ADA should keep records of experience of doctors who treat diabetics. Some docs know very little but it is not written on their forehead just how much experience they have with diabetics, so we should have some kind of listing where we can see how much ability a doc has. We can't rely on appearances such as their looks and smile. Some people are great monkey shine artists.

As in any profession, there are those who will serve the poor and those who will not. Just as in the auto industry that refuses to produce good cars, there are docs who keep medicine backwards and Americans have fallen very far backwards if we compare it with most nations in the world. Clinging to intransigent corruption much like General Motors it too is on its way toward the ground. American medicine oscillates like a manic depressive. If Republicans are in, then private companies fleece the life blood of patients and when the Democrats are in, the poor have a better chance of living. These moods are not good and they are much like a mental patient suffering from shifting spells of hope and despair. Like our bgs, this yoyo or merry go round needs to be stabilized into harmony.

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Psychology: Psychological support

Your post shows your loving concern for your mom. Have you always had a close relationship with her through life? Is your dad alive?

=====No and no.

Concerning her, why not buy her a good book on the subject and begin reading it to her, page by page every time you see her? I'm thinking of the one called "Diabetes Without Fear" by Dr. Joseph Goodman. He lays out the essential facts in a small, easily digested book.

=She has trouble reading now. She has a large reading glass, but she says it's so cumbersome that she just gives up.

Making her foods doesn't sound like it's working. Is rhere a better managed care facility available that you could afford? One that has, not necessarily an expensive psychologist, but someone she can talk with? Maybe with you? There are serious grad students who do counseling based on the ability to pay at the local universities. Can you go there with her to find a guy or gal you both feel close to, preferably very quickly?

=I'm not making her food, but I do make sure she has a few healthy snacks. My mother is mentally ill and been in and out of professional therapists offices all my life -- they don't help her. She complains and I will make an effort to help her work through those issues, but eventually, she'll either figure it out or she won't. If she doesn't, my efforts will stop. I'm not an enabler (which is why we don't have the happiest of mother/daughter relationships) nor a mascochist.

Are you into poetry? I wish you could make a little poem for her, make it look fairly nice if possible, and put it on a wall where she could see it. Let each poem, in the beginning, be about a different aspect of the diabetes self-management.

=Can' t write poetry, but she would like that.

But what, specifically, might you want to write about? For that, I suggest a really wonderful book by Dr. Neil Fiore, "Awaken Your Strongest Self." In Fiore's book you'll read about different functions of the Strongest Self, a part of us that helps us to succeed in any area. For example, one function of the Strongest Self is to provide security.

=She' ll either adjust to the new surroundings, foods, etc., or she won't. It's up to my mother and she's 73 years strong in her ways. I've been here with her before. I'm not anxious, but I found the subject interesting -- the psychological pull of food versus the real symptomatic hunger diabetics often struggle with. If I sounded upset or lost, I apologize -- I'm neither. However, I have knowledge about type2 that she doesn't. I'm willing to share that with her, if she's willing to listen -- right now, she's listening, but whether she puts any of it into action or not, is totally up to her.

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Healthy Life: Doctors are not the enemy

Indeed, doctors and lawyers (which I am) and everyone else are human beings. That being said, I have an obligation to my clients to be a zealous advocate for them and also to be honest about what can and can't be done in a representation.

I don't begrudge doctors an income - most work very long hours and don't make nearly as much as most people think they do. I dislike the training they get which teaches them to detach from patients and view the patient as a symptom. The AMA has largely contributed to the dehumanization of medicine in America. I'm thankful to see Osteopathic Physicians are starting to become more common because they are trained differently - they treat the mind/body connection and most are spiritually sensitive to people's needs as well (not in an overtly religious way).

Most doctors are not rich. Most lawyers aren't either, for that matter. And we'd all be well advised to heed your suggestion about studying our situation and being partners in health care. There are many doctors who will not listen to patients and I've even had one heave a glucograph at me and tell me that wasn't what he wanted from me (I fired him on the spot and told him he needed psychiatric treatment).

The problem is that in many areas they are ALL unwilling to allow the patient to participate in treatment and that is a huge problem. People have no options and they're dying because these medical professionals refuse to listen. I find this unconscionable. If a doctor refuses to work with me as a sentient human being capable of reason then that doctor has no business working in medicine, IMO. Not that I have an opinion on the topic or anything... :)

Doctors are not the enemy. We need them, but they also need us or they'd all be selling pencils on street corners. It works both ways.

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